


Being strong, holding on

by Lunedd



Series: Episode related [5]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Coda to 10x14, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Hurt Danny "Danno" Williams, Hurt/Comfort, I simply needed a McDanno hug, M/M, Whump, aftermath of canon-typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22542652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunedd/pseuds/Lunedd
Summary: After getting notified that Danny is missing from the crash site, Steve searches for him.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Episode related [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1005765
Comments: 14
Kudos: 182





	Being strong, holding on

**Author's Note:**

> 10X14 was a very intense episode with an ending that screamed for codas, fix-its, fan fiction in general. This is my version of what could have happened. 
> 
> I have no medical expertise, so I tried to keep medical issues at the minimum.
> 
> The title comes from the song "It's not over" from Daughtry.
> 
> This little story is dedicated to my folks from the Emotional Support Group - thank you, G.o.D.'s, for being there after this episode! :)
> 
> Also, I thank my babe NatalieRyan for being my cheerleader once again, and for making this wonderful picture edit that I was honored to add to the story. :* Also a big and heartfelt „Thank you!“ goes to alohaspaceman for the valuable input that helped making this story so much better than the first, rough version with which I tortured them. ;) 
> 
> And a special shout-out and "Thank you" goes to dixons_mama for putting up with my grammar and word-placement and being a spontaneous, lovely beta.

* * *

As Steve sat down again after welcoming Adam and letting him enter, he pulled Eddie's head back into his lap. He stared at Adam, waiting for the man to say more, maybe give an explanation, but Adam just smiled. A smile that, Steve noticed, didn't reach his eyes. He opened his mouth to confront Adam, when Tani's phone rang. She shrugged apologetically and took the call, stepping into the study. Adam had taken a seat, too, sitting stiffly and very upright. Steve couldn't shake a bad feeling. 

Tani returned after barely a minute, a worried expression on her face. "Danny…" 

Steve grinned. "Yeah? Did he already blow his date with that very pretty lady, as he put it? You don't see me surprised!"

Tani shook her head. "The officer on the phone said Danny reported an accident. Must've been pretty bad, a woman was severely injured."

"What?!" Steve gently moved Eddie's head aside to get to the phone in his pocket, and stared at the screen after he pulled it out. No text from Danny, just the "missed call" symbol, stating HPD had tried to contact him. His heart beat faster, his mouth was suddenly dry. He quickly pushed the speed-dial button to Danny's number, and after it went straight to voicemail, Steve looked up alarmed. He scrambled to his feet. "An accident, an injured woman, no text or call from Danny — I have to look for him. Something's not right."

Quinn sat down in the spot Steve had just been sitting, taking over, soothing Eddie and making a shooing gesture. "Go — go! You two. Adam and I will handle Eddie." She shot Steve a concerned look. "Go find out what's going on with Danny." 

***

Tani was driving. She had seen how badly Steve's hands were shaking when he grabbed the car keys, and simply took them from him. He didn't even protest, just slipped into the passenger seat and reached for his phone, putting Duke on speaker when he answered.

"Yeah, Duke, Steve McGarrett here. We're on the way to the crash site Danny reported. We're less than an hour away. What do you know about this? Who did you send there?"

_"Hello, Steve. I am already there. When I heard that Detective Williams reported the accident I thought I should go myself. We don't have much so far, nothing on why the car went off the road. But It slid down the ledge and was damaged pretty bad. We have one female victim, though. HFD is about to retrieve her body which is problematic due to the state the car is in, before we can get the car up and find the cause of the accident. There are skid marks on the road, though, so it looks as if they tried to avoid something on the road. An animal, maybe? We don't know yet."_

"Can you get Danny on the phone? I wanna talk to him. Maybe he saw what happened…?"

There was a moment of silence; so long, that Steve thought the connection had been severed. "Duke? You still there?"

_"Detective Williams is not here, Steve. Wait a second, I'm getting information on the owner of the car."_

"He left the crash site before HPD was there? Doesn't sound like Danny." Steve exchanged a worried glance with Tani.

_"Steve. The car's a rental."_

_No. Just no, please!_ The feeling of dread that had taken possession of Steve since the first phone call intensified. Danny had been driving around with a rental for the last few days, since the Camaro was in the garage for some long needed repairs. Duke's next words shattered the last ray of hope Steve had.

_"And it was rented by Detective Williams."_

Tani gasped, and Steve felt how his head started to spin. _Nonononono!_

"So he was in that car?! Duke! He certainly is injured, too! You have to find him!"

_"I have my officers search the area for him."_

"Thanks, Duke. Please... You have to find him!"

Steve laid his head against the headrest of his seat after he ended the phone call and closed his eyes. "Tani. Step on the gas!" 

It barely took them half an hour to arrive at the crash site. Steve didn't wait for Tani to bring the car to a full stop before he flung the door wide open and jumped out. He jogged the last few meters to where Duke was talking to a firefighter who was gesturing around. 

"Hey, Duke, any luck yet?" When the older man shook his head, Steve took a deep breath. "Okay. Does anyone know which direction Danny went?" Again headshakes. Steve cursed. "Okay. Okay. We'll get this. Where did you look for him?" 

"Sir, we were, and still are, trying to recover the car from the accident. They slipped down quite a distance, and it's not that easy to retrieve the car!" The firefighter explained, making involuntarily a step backward when Steve came at him. "We also had to get the body of the woman in the passenger seat out first, to see if she could be revived."

"Are you saying that he's been gone for — what, 30, 40 minutes and _no one cared_?!" Now Tani snapped at the man, ready to leap at him, but Steve put a hand on her arm, holding her back. 

"Priorities, Tani, it's been about priorities. We understand." _But don't like_ , his eyes told. Steve turned her away. "Okay. Focus. Since the guys from HPD are already on the search now, we have to look where they haven't." He turned around, assessing the area. There was dense brush on both sides of the small road, and Steve frowned. _Danny, what the hell have you been doing here in Nowhereland?!_ He moved some steps forward, walked past the ambulance, firetruck, the police cars and the truck and sucked his lower lip in. What would be the first direction a person was walking to after such an incident? He turned around again, ignoring the swarm of people around him, and headed away from the all the cars and people. Tani followed him. 

"Boss? You got an idea?"

Steve nodded. "Danny was coming from that direction." He was pointing with his thumb over his back. "And headed into that one." He pointed forward. "It must be that way, see the skid marks there? And from there, they went over the ledge. My guess is, that Danny is in shock and has walked off into the direction they wanted to go. He was driving, so maybe he is confused and still thinks he has to go this way?" 

Tani's eyes lit up with renewed determination, and she nodded. "Let's go." 

***

When in shock, you don't always break down. Sometimes, it makes you walk for miles without noticing anything. No pain, no hunger, no exhaustion. Steve knew about this. Once, in Afghanistan, they had found a fellow soldier about seven miles from where his unit had been hit by a bomb. He had an open fracture in his shin, and still managed to walk that distance. When they had finally found him, he had just stared at them with blank eyes, and then succumbed faster than they could have saved him. Steve would be damned if he would let that happen to Danny.

He gestured at Tani to drive faster, following a strange hunch. He couldn't explain what made him want to go this direction, despite what he had told Tani, away from where HPD was scouring the brush for Danny. It was just a _hunch_. They followed the road down around a corner, some miles between them and the site of the accident, and Tani stomped hard on the brakes.

There, on a rock by the side of the road, Danny was sitting. He had his back turned to them, sitting very erect, very stiff, although listing awkwardly to his right side. He wasn't moving.

"Danny?!" Tani shouted, when they climbed out of the car, but Steve quickly shook his head. Tearing someone in shock out of it abruptly could make their condition so bad so fast that Danny might share the fate of that poor soldier back in Afghanistan. Steve silently indicated to Tani to stay where she was, while he forced himself to walk up to Danny in a calm step. 

"Hey, buddy." He softly addressed Danny, when he knew the other one could see him from the corner of his eye. And yes — although Danny didn't really move, or turn toward the new arrival, the flutter of his long lashes showed Steve that he had noticed him. "Hey, don't you wanna come with me? We should go home, Danny." Steve crept forward, one hand reached out in case Danny would collapse. He still couldn't see his friend's face, but from the state his clothes were in, dirty, his button down gone, the white tank top stained with fresh blood, Steve knew it was serious. "Tani." He was still talking in that soft, calm voice. "Get that ambulance here. Now." He heard the car speed away.

Steve turned his attention back to Danny. He didn't seem seriously injured, but he still could have internal bleeding. He made another step toward Danny, finally putting his hand on Danny's shoulder. Tremors were running through Danny's body, invisible, but now clearly palpable for Steve. "Hey, come on, Danny." He moved around until he could see Danny's face and crouched down in front of him. Danny's eyes followed his motions, blank, unblinking. Steve took in the visible injuries. Danny's face was bloody, his tempe still bleeding lazily from where his head must've hit the side window; his forehead and nose sprinkled with little bloody spots where pieces of the broken windshield must've pierced the skin. Steve's eyes wandered lower. Danny's arms were dirty and bloody, but Steve noticed no wounds there. The amount of blood on the front of Danny's tank top, though, made him cringe. "I just want to know where you are hurt, buddy, okay?" 

He carefully pushed the fabric away from Danny's belly and up to his chest, bracing for the worst. Danny's skin was bruised but unscathed, and Steve heaved a sigh of relief. So that blood must be the woman's. Steve felt a pinch of compassion for the unknown stranger who had died today. He tenderly pressed a hand against the bruising on Danny's right side. Danny flinched away from the touch, not making a sound. Steve cursed inwardly. Certainly one or more ribs were broken. They had to get Danny to a hospital, and fast. Where was that damn ambulance?!

"She's so beautiful, Steve. Her eyes…" Danny's sluggish, soft voice tore through Steve's tumbling thoughts. He forced a smile on his lips and put a hand against Danny's clammy, sweaty cheek. "I don't even know her name." 

"We'll find out, buddy, we'll find that out." They had to, to inform whatever family she had. Steve swallowed the bile down that threatened to rise in his throat. "Come on, first you have to get up." He grabbed for Danny's hands and was relieved when the other man complied. But as soon as Danny was on his feet, he stumbled when his right ankle gave way and he fell hard against Steve's chest. Steve grasped him firmly, now eliciting a grunt out of Danny when that squeezed his broken ribs. 

And as if that had woken Danny from his stupor, his eyes were suddenly clear and sharp. "She's dead, Steve. I killed her. _She's dead._ " The small tremor was shaking Danny's body hard now, rattling Steve along with it. When Danny's legs were finally both giving way, Steve slid to the ground with him, holding him tight. Danny's hands gripped his shirt so tight that Steve could hear the fabric tear, but it wasn't until Danny went lax in his arms and finally lost consciousness that he heard the ambulance screeching to a halt next to them.

***

Steve was sitting in one of the hospital's uncomfortable plastic chairs. He didn't even know how often he had been sitting in a hospital chair for the last ten years, and he didn't care. 

Danny was lying in the bed next to him, and that was all that mattered. After the ambulance had finally arrived (with a fuming Tani in the passenger seat; they hadn't been willing to unload the dead body of the woman until the coroner was there to transfer her), everything else had happened very fast. 

Now they were here, once again, and Steve wondered how many times they could do this. How many times _he_ could do this. Danny was... Danny was his world, although he had never made a move on the other man, knowing that Danny was mostly attracted to women. Sure, in one very, very drunken night after a hard case, Danny had confessed to Steve that he also liked men in _that special way_. He had even suggested to Steve that they bring their own relationship to another level. Steve, although every fibre of his being screamed at him to say yes, to take Danny upstairs and into his bed, had been the one to hold a handsy Danny back. If Danny wanted him, then it had to happen in a sober state. He didn't want Danny to regret a thing of such an importance. 

The next day, Danny hadn't even been able to look him in the eye, and Steve knew he had made the right decision. It had taken them some months to get back to where they had been before that night, and Steve had vowed never to let something like that happen again — even if it meant that he could never confess to Danny what he really felt for him. 

And now this. Steve ran a hand down his face, feeling bone-weary. Danny had sounded so happy, so unbelievably happy on the phone before the accident. Steve stared at his sleeping friend. His injuries had been minor, compared to the severity of the accident: just two broken ribs, a sprained ankle and some superficial wounds on the face from the glass. The heavy painkillers they administered him through an IV had put him into a long, healing sleep, and Steve actually feared the moment Danny would wake up and become aware again of what had happened. 

"She's dead." 

Danny's hoarse voice tore him out of his musings, and he forced another smile on his face that he absolutely didn't feel. 

"I killed her." There was nothing in Danny's voice, no self-pity, no horror, no pain. Nothing. 

"You didn't kill her, no, don't believe that, Danny. It was an accident." Steve shook his head and reached for Danny's hand, caressing it carefully. 

"I was driving. I couldn't keep the car on the road. I killed her."

"You _didn't_." Steve was startled by the vehemence in his own voice, but it seemed to pull Danny out of his dullness. 

"Yes, _I did_. I was distracted by her, and didn't see the other car in time. I could've avoided that!" 

"The other car? Danny — there was another car involved?" So far, there had been no traces or signs of someone else involved in the accident. 

Danny blinked at Steve. "Well... Yeah, yes. A schmuck staring at his phone and coming at us on our side of the road. 724. Steve, she got some digits of the license plate. 724! She saw it… There, there was no other way to avoid a collision than to pull the car to the right… " 

Steve pulled his phone out with his free hand and sent a quick text to Tani. _Danny says there was another car involved. Male driver. Partial plate number 724. FIND IT. FIND HIM. Tear the whole island apart, I don't care. JUST FIND HIM._

"But if he came your way, then it really wasn't your fault." Steve tried to insist, but Danny shook his head, wincing when that motion hurt his stiff and strained neck muscles. 

"It was. So, so much is my fault, Steve. The thing with Rachel. The thing with Grace. Billy. Matty. Oh god, with _you_. And now the girl that I don't even know the name of." 

Steve wanted to hush him, wanted to calm him down again, but one sentence sank in deep. Very deep. _Oh god, with you_. What does... "What do you mean?" He croaked, unconsciously rubbing the back of Danny's hand. "What do you mean, with me? I'm still here, right? You didn't get me killed or divorced, so…?"

Danny's fingers tightened around Steve's. "I do remember that night, and I know you do, too. And what I… what I said and did and _wanted_ to do was coming from my inner being, Steve. But I… I know you're not... you made that clear, and I… oh, god…"

The pain and sorrow in Danny's voice pierced just as painfully into Steve's heart, and he quickly covered Danny's hand with both of his. "But I am, Danny. _I am_. I just didn't want to take advantage of you, not in the state you had been in." 

Danny blinked, and suddenly one, then two tears welled up in his eyes, and before Steve even thought of it consciously, he had his arms around Danny and held him tight against his chest, rocking him slightly through the violent sobs that wracked Danny’s body. He hummed softly, muttering soothing sounds into Danny's ear. 

"We'll get through this, Danny. Together, we will. I won't leave you alone with this. I'm here. I'll always be here." 


End file.
